I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
