Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
