I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
