Sober January is a disaster.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
