Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
