see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
