You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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