it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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