I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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