Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
