Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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