Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
