I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
