Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
