Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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