We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
