if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
