I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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