please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
