Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
