D3 body, D1 cock
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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