it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
