Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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