can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
