did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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