I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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