I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
