If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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