I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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