How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
