somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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