i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
