I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
