I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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