I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
