yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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