I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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