why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
