ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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