Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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