I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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