theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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