We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
where are you?
Hypothermia
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
