I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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