So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
