we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
