you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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