tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
