im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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