That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
barbara walters just said penis...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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