seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
