the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
