Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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