i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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