one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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