i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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