How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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