So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
