My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
