well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
