shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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