office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
