Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
