Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You left your phone here
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