So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
