for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
