Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
