took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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