you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
