My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
