Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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