made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
