I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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