Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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