maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize