We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
MIDGETS
????
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
