butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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