youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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