I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
