do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
