yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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