I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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