Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
