is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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